| Author | Message | ||
| Pete/RTS Daytona (Pete_rtsdaytona)
Registered Member Username: Pete_rtsdaytona Post Number: 620 Registered: 1-2005 Posted From: 97.104.18.110  Rating: N/A |
I@N -- The devil made me do it ;-) JOKE # 1 After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, 'Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona .' The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, 'I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser.' The bartender gives him one.. The guy from Coors says, 'I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.' He gets it. The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, 'Give me a Coke.' The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, 'Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?' The Molson Canadian president replies, 'Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.' CANADIAN JOKE #2 An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. 'Well,' said the American, 'I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here' 'That's amazing!' said the one of the doctors, 'But what happened to the other two?' 'Last I saw them,' replied the American, 'the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.' CANADIAN JOKE #3 An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, 'Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?' 'Sure it's easy.' replied the neurosurgeon. 'All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie..' He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him 'I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain.' The patient replied 'Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?' CANADIAN JOKE #4 Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back. CANADIAN JOKE #5 In Canada , we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling. CANADIAN JOKE #6 One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!' CANADIAN JOKE #7 A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. 'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge. 'Toilette pepper!' yelled the Quebecer. | ||
| marvin pack (Gomer)
Registered Member Username: Gomer Post Number: 946 Registered: 3-2007 Posted From: 71.55.3.249  Rating: N/A |
Oh MY Gosh, I hope that IAN doesn't see this LOL Good job Pete, LOL | ||
| John MC9 (John_mc9)
Registered Member Username: John_mc9 Post Number: 1165 Registered: 7-2006 Posted From: 74.162.78.3  Rating: N/A |
Ehhh? | ||
| Buswarrior (Buswarrior)
Registered Member Username: Buswarrior Post Number: 1881 Registered: 12-2000 Posted From: 174.89.176.38  Rating: N/A |
Harumph, I resemble those remarks. happy coaching! buswarrior | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 102 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.160.171  Rating: N/A |
There once was a Quebecer Logger named Jaques whose grip was as firm as a rock he slipped one day whilst chopping away and nearly chopped off his foot | ||
| Ian Giffin (Admin)
Board Administrator Username: Admin Post Number: 1364 Registered: 7-1997 Posted From: 24.239.15.161  Rating: N/A |
Geez. Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur? :~) Ian www.busnut.com | ||
| Jack Conrad (Jackconrad)
Registered Member Username: Jackconrad Post Number: 1311 Registered: 12-2000 Posted From: 72.57.143.68  Rating: N/A |
OhOh, Now it's Ian's turn to post American Jokes LOL Jack | ||
| Ian Giffin (Admin)
Board Administrator Username: Admin Post Number: 1366 Registered: 7-1997 Posted From: 24.239.5.12 Rating: |
An oldie but goodie! When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, American scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. Ian www.busnut.com | ||
| ED Hackenbruch (Shadowman)
Registered Member Username: Shadowman Post Number: 298 Registered: 11-2003 Posted From: 72.102.177.74 Rating: N/A |
Yup, that sounds like us! | ||
| Justin Burie (Justinb)
Registered Member Username: Justinb Post Number: 28 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 209.254.23.194 Rating: N/A |
Minutes ffom the first Canadian Parliment: Motion made by Stinky McGavin of Ontario & Seconded by Henryk VanderSchaaf of Alberta to name the nation by placing each letter of the alphabet into the hat & drawing out three. The provedential results were: "C" eh?! "N" eh?! "D" eh?! | ||
| Grant Thiessen (Busshawg)
Registered Member Username: Busshawg Post Number: 262 Registered: 10-2007 Posted From: 206.45.93.160  Rating: N/A |
# 5 is no joke, it's a sad reality | ||
| Buswarrior (Buswarrior)
Registered Member Username: Buswarrior Post Number: 1883 Registered: 12-2000 Posted From: 174.89.177.31 Rating: N/A |
Yup, Grant, that 6 months of bad snowmobiling is no good at all. But, it's the only snowmobiling that the snowbirds get to do. happy coaching! buswarrior | ||
| Grant Thiessen (Busshawg)
Registered Member Username: Busshawg Post Number: 263 Registered: 10-2007 Posted From: 206.45.93.160 Rating: N/A |
At least your in a warmer climate that we are, we get a 2 bad months of snowmabiling or so it seems! | ||
| Justin Burie (Justinb)
Registered Member Username: Justinb Post Number: 31 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 209.254.23.194 Rating: N/A |
Sign seen @ St Mary's Crossing: Welcome ta da UP!! Where Canadians claim dere from ta work illeg-ly in-da US. ;^) (typing in Yooponics/Finn-glish dialect) |
