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Message |
R TERRY (207.230.142.240)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 4:26 am: | |
I believe that most people won’t want to hear this.
Our world of buses is about… well, buses. It’s about fixing them, converting them, buying them, learning how to shift them. It’s about driving them, living in them, and going to the next bus rally. It’s about a really large hobby, relishing in the historical beauty of big, fine old machines.
We wouldn’t do this if we didn’t find something special about buses. For some reason there’s a place in out hearts for oversized vehicles propelled by huge engines with intriguing amounts of torque. A lot of people don’t quite understand this. But never mind; it doesn’t matter.
Yet, some things do matter.
My guess is, most of the bus folks out there have a means by which to support the hobby—or the lifestyle—or at least get by well enough to enjoy their buses in whatever state of completion they happen to be. For some, the process is never ending, which is perfectly Ok. For others, a fine bus conversion is an extension of their success, something that proudly demonstrates the good life they richly deserve and probably worked their fannies off to get.
So the bus manages to fit very nicely into our lives and becomes some kind of symbol of who we are. Right?
Maybe. But not everything is about the damn bus. Right?
This isn’t something I care to discuss and I apologize for mentioning it here, but over the past year, very few days went by that I did not think about killing myself, or, at least wish for a fatal heart attack. Frankly, I would have paid someone to whack me, but that’s not a service that you can easily find on eBay. I think it’s against the law, although it would have done me a big favor.
So, it appears that there’s more to life than buses, and some of it gets pretty personal. It’s likely that some of us have problems with alcohol, marriages, drugs, work, the law, or businesses that unexpectedly fail and leave you bankrupt —you name it. Life can get ugly; often there’s nothing you can do about it. You could be fine one day and not the next. And then it’s all you can do to get through each day, dreading every single minute that goes by.
For me, the solution was obvious, and I wished for it every day. I could just never get past the disappointment and misery my kids would surely go through, unfairly damaging their young, vibrant, and highly impressionable lives. As useless and worthless as my life had become, why would I want to do that to my kids?
For a while, my buses played a dual role in this. Suddenly, compounding my fatalistic misery, those buses became a logistical nightmare, a stupefying liability: I had no place to put them and no money with which to do anything about it. I got lots of free advice, though: “Get rid of them!” Yet the buses represented just about all that was left of my now nonexistent “estate”. No, against reason, I didn’t want to give them up; I loved those miserable monsters. Worse, I liked them simply because I happened to have them. Period.
You can’t balance a bus on a teeter-totter, but they did a good job keeping me balanced between catastrophic despair and what little hope I had for the future. When things got bad, I’d think about the buses, reworking the plans I had in my head for each bus. I’d sit at the computer, open PhotoShop and “repaint” the 4905 for the umpteenth time. And I’d write stories about the SYOW, the stolen RTS, and the 3610 in Tennessee.
Is a bus “good medicine”? From my observation of me, I’d say only if you are an idiot. But during the past year that I have been effectively homeless and suicidal, my best moments have been when I was behind the wheel of one of my buses, shuttling them between Phoenix and San Simon, AZ, fingers crossed, hoping that nothing would go wrong, and, of course, smiling like a maniac. Mom, bless her heart, generously gave up space around her house for the buses, obviously aware of the inexplicably positive affect the buses had on my detrimental state of mind.
And it gets better. I accomplished the seemingly impossible: I managed to make the Salvage Yard on Wheels look as nice as the doctored-up photo I gave the RV park manager. After another splendid jaunt across the Arizona desert, the 4104 “passed” the park “inspection” and I was assigned a space. More medicine! (Four park people gathered around the bus to help guide me into my slot, probably anticipating the worst. On the first try, I backed her right in, perfectly aligned with the patio. The park manager asked me, “Are you a professional driver?” A-a-ah, even more medicine!)
Perhaps the road to recovery is best traveled upon in a bus. As a matter of fact, I haven’t thought about… well, you know… that… since. For me, home IS where the bus is—and it sure is good to be back home.
Yes, the bus is good medicine.
R TERRY |
john marbury (Jmarbury) (66.82.9.58)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 7:14 am: | |
Well R Terry,
Not sure about "most people" but I, for one appreciate your candor and transparity. I empathize with you. The last year and a half has been very difficult for me as well. Business has been waaaaay down and a real struggle to keep going. Working on the bus has allowed me enough reprieve from that stress to keep me looking forward with HOPE. Thanks for your Post.
John |
DonTX/KS (66.82.9.55)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 9:23 am: | |
Thanks for sharing that R Terry. |
Craig Smith (Craigs) (65.202.123.254)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 11:20 am: | |
Hi R Terry,
You'll probably be able to reap the medicinal benfits of sharing your thoughts with us also.
I had a chunk of time(7-8 yrs) where I had a terrible time with anxiety. I went nowhere execpt work and home. Was sedated with one prescription or another and was hating life. My bus projects were nice escapes. Long story short I am now 90% back to normal and life's good. I can sure appreciate where your coming from and where your headed, recovery that is.
Craig S. |
James Maxwell (Jmaxwell) (66.81.58.6)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 11:33 am: | |
Quite frankly, I've never looked upon either one of my buses as an avenue of "psycho therapy". Perhaps a partial cause for the need, but definately not a remedy. Oh well, different strokes for different folks, but I would much prefer a long vacation in the Bahamas as therepy (and that might even be cheaper)! |
Gary Stadler (Boogiethecat) (68.7.217.217)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 1:45 pm: | |
Oh yeah! During a lot of the two years that I was building my bus, my wife and I were in a very rocky stage of our marriage. Things are good now, but during that time, having something to work on from dawn till dusk 7 days a week was about the only thing that kept me sane. It gave me something to look forward to each day, kept me out of the house, gave her "alone time" to get a handle on things, and basically saved my ars.
Three wonderful benefits now... I have a good marriage, Didn't have to spend a dime on a shrink, and I've got a GREAT bus!
Gary |
Jim-Bob (12.46.52.74)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 2:41 pm: | |
Hi R Terry,
I have had similar dark thoughts on and off since I was a child. Sometimes I think that people who keep in tune with all of the human caused misery & crap in the news are more prone to depression.
Thank God you have so far gotten through it & keep focusing on your kids & others who would be devastated.
Try to remember that your real worth has nothing to do with how much material goods you have. It is only about your lifetime spiritual self improvement project. It has to do with how much love you can give to others. We all know rich people that we wouldn't spend 15 minutes around if we could help it, and cash poor folks we'd like to hang around with all the time.
I think that unconsiously we identify with owning a bus the same way.
See, it's a continuing job you can't see the end of, that's going to get you into things you haven't even thought about yet & don't understand, that will tax your abilities to the breaking point. But we just chip away a little each day.
Now get out there & overhaul something on the bus!
Regards,
Jim |
CoryDane RTSII (66.155.188.238)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 4:21 pm: | |
R TERRY
I hear in some of your words a mild reflection of how my life had been.
I was in a terrible job where little respect was given to us. Micro management was the action of the day and we were caged in a place where the company focused on the bottom line, that almighty dollar rather than employee effectiveness and product performance.
AND we were BLESSED with a Mr Know it all in our group, horrible to be releived by, never thought you did anything right and always running to the boss to tell him you did it wrong(even if you were right).
I must not have the moxy that some have, I can recall driving that 1 1 /2 hour commute home upset, sometimes shaking, so glad to be away from this hell.
The bus is a SANCTUARY, an escape from the idiots who knew better than anyone else. I enjoy my work on the bus, seeing the changes taking place, the improvements and the building of what was never there before. When I bring the dogs, they are always happy to take walks as I am formulating the plan for the next build or just as happy to lay on the floor(no bed yet) and watch as I continue to build, to plan and to discover new ways to make it a home.
Though that work place sucks (Mind you, I was in an above mid management position), I know there are others with similar conditions. I don't know what I would have done if I had not found the bus and was able to imagine, draw and build my dreams. The bus is/was an escape for me and I'm loving it.
Recently, the HELL HOLE retired me. ALL THE BETTER! Though free time still seem to be hard to find (where does all the time go?) I am a lot better now and I have to thank the bus for helping me keep my mind relatively stable. My hope is to see the bus ready end of this year, though I have added a big job on the bus and may push it back to next year, the time I spend with my bus is great time and it has kept me sane all these years.
I am glad you have found a home for the bus and things are looking up for you. Keep looking at the bright side, go polish your bus and marvel at how EXCELLANT she looks. Then just think, you did it all yourself.
Good for you and good luck!
"Imagine Your Dreams"
cd |
charles seaton (205.183.220.106)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 5:27 pm: | |
A little over 12 years ago, I spent a few months in a job that I absolutely hated. I mean I couldn't sleep at night thinking about having to get up and go there.
But at the same time I was restoring a 1958 GM TDH5106, and by restoring I mean paying my buddy for his time to come out and show me what to do and how to do it.
To make a long story short, the bus came out great and I might have had some lousy weekdays but I did have some nice weekends to look forward to.
Who says buses won't get you through? |
DonTX/KS (66.82.9.52)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 5:51 pm: | |
Well, I had been retired for many years when we started ours, so it was a mutual task. My wife however always tells anyone that will listen: A REALLY GOOD marriage will NOT support more than one bus conversion. Maybe that is why I have not started a second one. |
TWO DOGS (63.185.81.138)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 7:36 pm: | |
marriage???? |
DonTX/KS (66.82.9.45)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 7:38 pm: | |
Bus! |
Geoff (Geoff) (66.238.120.139)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 7:47 pm: | |
Retired? |
BrianMCI96A3 (65.40.117.27)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 8:01 pm: | |
Conversion!!!! |
njt5150 (68.243.101.221)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 8:04 pm: | |
RETARDED! |
ChuckMC9 (Chucks) (66.167.95.25)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 11:19 pm: | |
Now just waiddaminnite here. Let me understand something because I'm taking notes...
A GM (Good Marriage, not Gay Male) WILL survive prancin' around in little brown pointy slippers, but not a
Built (with big dollars)
Used, (a little) and
Sold (for not much)
project??? |
DonTX/KS (66.82.9.41)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 29, 2004 - 12:55 pm: | |
I think you got it! |
Lee (136.226.254.148)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 02, 2004 - 11:04 am: | |
And here I was thinking that all these people on my favorite forum were happy, healthy, people with nothing rougher to think about other then how to make a right-handed whatchamacallit fit into a left handed spot.
I finally have an explanation for why I have been spending less time on my bus, and more time riding my motorcycle --- I am fairly happy ---or possibly I am just getting a little lazier?.
Good luck to everyone with any problems they may have. If they get too bad, my advice is to buy a motorcycle. You can't think about anything else but the ride, if you want to stay alive. |
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