| Author | Message | ||
| FAST FRED (Fast_fred)
Registered Member Username: Fast_fred Post Number: 1397 Registered: 10-2006 Posted From: 66.82.9.59  Rating: |
NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon fires entire pit crew! This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's proposal to employ Harlem youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment,where as Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most races are won or lost in the pits. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower. __________________ | ||
| marvin pack (Gomer)
Registered Member Username: Gomer Post Number: 1119 Registered: 3-2007 Posted From: 71.55.1.12  Rating: N/A |
Fred!! Have you had your meds this morning?? I heard that awhile back and I love it HAHAHAH gomer | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 300 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.100  Rating: N/A |
And the bag of weed & photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower...? ......came from Brian France, who also made 33% on the lug nuts wheels tools stopwatch to time it all with tires the case of Bud the car the bag of weed and on the pictures of Jeff Gordon's wife in addition to the shower & the water... all NASCAR licensed/controled items! ...and at a time when the fans & money have left in such large numbers that Richard Petty can't find anyone willing to sponsor his team and no team has a full season major sponsor anymore. If big Bill was still alive he'd be doin life for the murder of Brian. Ain't that just like FF... he tells the joke and then forgets the punch line Insider Info: Jeff Gordon walked up to me & my wife at Belleville Kansas in 1991 & invited us to his Birthday Party, his 18th, We spent 3 seasons racing against him & he was the best kind of competitor & human and would love the joke! (Message edited by Jack Fids on December 19, 2010) | ||
| George Martinez (Foohorse)
Registered Member Username: Foohorse Post Number: 268 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 68.215.72.106  Rating: N/A |
6 seconds HA!. I know some Compadres from the hoods of Miami that will do right under your nose, extreme slight of hand that would make Houdini take notice. Dallas keep the beaner jokes in check. Jack...Well there's no point I fully understand you won't be able to resist on account of being possessed and all. | ||
| George M. Todd (George_todd)
Registered Member Username: George_todd Post Number: 1169 Registered: 8-2006 Posted From: 99.56.244.104 Rating: N/A |
Fred never was noted for his political sensitivity or correctness! G | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 302 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.213 Rating: N/A |
Did Dal's "Beaner" response go south....? | ||
| Dal Farnworth (Dallas)
Registered Member Username: Dallas Post Number: 222 Registered: 7-2004 Posted From: 67.141.79.197  Rating: N/A |
I'll have you know that a few of my "Beaners" have been escaping for the last couple of hours and now even the cats won''t come near me... or the green haze! | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 305 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.158 Rating: N/A |
!!.....SPEWIE AWARD.....!! | ||
| Gary Stacy (Stacytruck)
Registered Member Username: Stacytruck Post Number: 24 Registered: 12-2009 Posted From: 72.102.230.230  Rating: N/A |
I laughed, g | ||
| les marston (Les_marston)
Registered Member Username: Les_marston Post Number: 218 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 68.151.225.213  Rating: N/A |
Don't ever let fids know you were amused by something he posted... we will never hear the end of it... What is a "beaner"? | ||
| Dal Farnworth (Dallas)
Registered Member Username: Dallas Post Number: 224 Registered: 7-2004 Posted From: 67.141.79.197 Rating: N/A |
Les... it's what escapes awhile after you have chili or burritos or even rib's 'n' kraut! | ||
| les marston (Les_marston)
Registered Member Username: Les_marston Post Number: 219 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 68.151.225.213 Rating: N/A |
Having the perfect digestive system and never having experienced that phenomenon I will have to take your word on that. I have, however needed a bran muffin for my brain... or so I have been told | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 307 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.218 Rating: N/A |
Frozen ears never work right... She said you HAVE a BRAN MUFFIN for a brain.. sheessh... people seem to just want to hear what THEY WANT to hear these days! | ||
| Dal Farnworth (Dallas)
Registered Member Username: Dallas Post Number: 226 Registered: 7-2004 Posted From: 67.141.79.197 Rating: N/A |
what? hunh? Whadjasay? | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 308 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.218 Rating: N/A |
Who'd he tell you that...? | ||
| Jack Conrad (Jackconrad)
Registered Member Username: Jackconrad Post Number: 1369 Registered: 12-2000 Posted From: 71.3.72.124  Rating: N/A |
Just remember that if you try to hold in all that gas, it travels up your spine to your brain and that is where Shi##y ideas come from. Me thinks some on here really need to get rid of some gas. Jack | ||
| marvin pack (Gomer)
Registered Member Username: Gomer Post Number: 1125 Registered: 3-2007 Posted From: 71.55.1.12 Rating: N/A |
Are you talking about ME Jack? If you are I LOVE YA MAN LOL Hope to make the trip down and get to see you in person and the others of course. Gomer | ||
| les marston (Les_marston)
Registered Member Username: Les_marston Post Number: 220 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 68.151.225.213 Rating: N/A |
Jack It is not my ears that got frozen this time but just so you can have a good laugh at my expense I will tell you that I did freeze my toes and worse the end of my nose. It looks like someone cut the end of it off and tried to glue it back on crooked. Who said I didn't know how to live life to the fullest? | ||
| George Martinez (Foohorse)
Registered Member Username: Foohorse Post Number: 274 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 68.215.72.106 Rating: N/A |
Gotta love this confused mayhem  | ||
| FAST FRED (Fast_fred)
Registered Member Username: Fast_fred Post Number: 1399 Registered: 10-2006 Posted From: 69.19.14.26 Rating: N/A |
Gotta love this confused mayhem :-) We are not called BUS NUTS! for nothing, FF | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 312 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.53 Rating: N/A |
Les... I will glady sacrifice a finger tip to replace the tip of your honker if you will just promise not to put your nose against my finger print recog. door lock.... | ||
| les marston (Les_marston)
Registered Member Username: Les_marston Post Number: 225 Registered: 1-2010 Posted From: 68.151.225.213 Rating: N/A |
Jack I find it highly unlikely that your finger and my nose will ever meet My nose is very selective when it comes to fingers. You know why apes have such big nostrils? Have you ever seen the fingers on those guys? | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 319 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.241 Rating: N/A |
My, My don't we have some lofty finger standards Why I'm begining to feel like if I was any farther down your nose I have to use binoculars just to see you! Oh.. the Monkey Jokes..? Aim those at FooHorse he's the one with monkey brains I'm the Penguin guy remember... here's good one for you... Do you know why it's dangerous to make love to a female Polar Bear? They wake up hungry!!! A Newfie told me that... pretty good for a Newfie ...eh? | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 320 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.241 Rating: N/A |
My, My don't we have some lofty finger standards Why I'm begining to feel like if I was any farther down your nose I have to use binoculars just to see you! Oh.. the Monkey Jokes..? Aim those at FooHorse he's the one with monkey brains I'm the Penguin guy remember... here's good one for you... Do you know why it's dangerous to make love to a female Polar Bear? They wake up hungry!!! A Newfie told me that... pretty good for a Newfie ...eh? (Sorry about the double post... I wanted to make sure Dal din't feel left out again) | ||
| Jack Fids (Jack_fids)
Registered Member Username: Jack_fids Post Number: 353 Registered: 1-2009 Posted From: 69.171.161.62 Rating: N/A |
> An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. > He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. > A young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" > The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to." > A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. > The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody around was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. > The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. > The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?" > The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to." > The morals of the story: > Never be arrogant. > Don't waste ammunition. > Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. > Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid. |
