| Author |
Message |
Ian Giffin (Admin) (69.156.127.104)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 10:17 am: | |
Got this via Two Dogs (Thanks, 2D!),
I went to the store the other day. I was only inside for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So then, I called him a red-necked jerk.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first... then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. But I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
Have a fun weekend, folks! Drive safe, be well.
Happy Canada Day & Independence Day!!
Ian Giffin
www.busnut.com |
bowlingshoegiverouter (63.185.64.30)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:19 am: | |
I can just see Two Dogs doing that...he teases everybody relentlesly |
Jimmy (24.174.238.253)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 8:24 pm: | |
Yes Two Dogs you do
Jimmy |
Airless in Mississippi (69.92.6.98)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 9:41 pm: | |
Did you not hear the news.. Two dogs was shot by poachers they mistook him for a rattlesnake..In bowling shoes.. |
ED-NJ (67.85.226.217)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:46 pm: | |
--- Ian I didnt know you did jokes ---
A middle aged women decides to have a facelift for her
birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the
results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a
newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope
you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the
counter girl the very same question.
She replies, "I guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."
Now, she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a
drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the
counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning
question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but, thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going.
Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how
old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires
you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you
exactly how old you are." They wait in silence on the
empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally
blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He slips both of
his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to
feel around very slowly and carefully.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says "Okay, how old
am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts,
removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 47."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?"
The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"No", she says.
He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." |
H3JIm (68.107.62.94)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:25 am: | |
THE CARDIOLOGIST
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service..
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral . . . I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted |
Airless in Mississippi (69.92.6.98)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 1:38 am: | |
Rules to live by
----------------------------------------------------------
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, then use the duct
tape.
And finally...
8. Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when
you are going to need them to clean your bus.
" |
Ole Bubba (162.39.206.108)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 6:34 am: | |
My wife and I have the secret to making our marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Florida and mine is in Alabama.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and,electric breadmaker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. she told me, "In the lake."
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of
divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" ...I said, 'Dust!" |
bowlingshoegiverouter (63.185.96.98)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 9:15 am: | |
the little third grader raised her hand,waited for the teacher to call on her......."yes,Susan"..."Mrs. Smith. can a girl get pregnant by having anal sex"....teacher replied.."of course,where do you think people that live in Mississippi come from" |
Jimmy (65.112.227.94)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 10:45 am: | |
Thats the come back I would expect from good old TWO DOGS. Way to go TWO DOGS |
Mike M (66.159.147.166)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 1:55 pm: | |
A Father and his young son are taking a walk when the boy sees a dog mounting another. "Daddy, what are they doing?".."Trying to make a Puppy" the Father replies.
Next morning the boy walks in on his parents having sex. "Daddy, what are you doing?".."Trying to make a baby" the Father replies". The boy thinks about this and says, " well flip her over, I'd rather have a Puppy!" |
ChuckMC9 (Chucks) (66.167.142.11)
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, July 01, 2004 - 1:35 pm: | |
A new study shows 88.2 percent of all Texans believe Osama bin Laden has two first names, like Jerry Jeff or Billy Bob.
http://www.sacbee.com/content/opinion/national/ivins/story/9846770p-10769132c.html |
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