| Author | Message | ||
| Gus Haag (Mrbus) (205.188.116.135)
Rating: N/A |
Following is an email I received yesterday from a friend who lives in Florida. It's nice to see he still has a sense of humor after what they have all gone through. Or, maybe he has completely flipped out of his tree. Gus FLORIDA HURRICANE PREPARATION You all should be aware of hurricane preparations, but in case you need a refresher course: We have entered the peak of the hurricane season. Any minute now, you're going to turn on the TV and see another weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points. (1) There is no need to panic. (2) We could all be killed. Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on the insurance industry experiences, they recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan: STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days. STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car. STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items: HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements: (1) It is reasonably well-built, and (2) It is located in Wisconsin Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages: Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December. Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them. Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska. Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc... you should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles. EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely. HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of cat food. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out to be the wrong size for the flashlights. Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.) A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television if you have a generator that's working to keep the TV going and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. Good luck and remember: It's great living in Paradise | ||
| TWO DOGS (63.185.72.15) Rating: N/A |
them huracanes is bad....up here...where we have toranados...procedure is...go to the smallest room without windows,close door ,put your head between your legs ...& kiss your ass goodbye | ||
| Marc Bourget (209.142.38.81) Rating: N/A |
Two Dogs, Since you willingly shower with your friend, I would suspect that you'd share Tornado preparation activities with her as well, unless, of course, you understandably realize that attempting such would result in distractions that result in alot of heat generation, which would add to the Tornado's force but no net protection from the Tornado besides a weak grin and a sigh! Onward and Upward Marc Bourget ROFL! | ||
| TWO DOGS (65.179.201.169) Rating: N/A |
and a cigarette | ||
| Todd Caldwell (Tmc) (24.0.93.170)
Rating: N/A |
I've been lurking here for a while now. No bus YET, so I haven't had a lot to contribute. But after seeing Two Dogs tornado plan, I just had to point out that some of us here in Texas go about it a little differently. My plan involves grabbing the camcorder, the ham radio, and my GPS unit. Then I get in the old beat up car and go CHASE the tornadoes. This small room / close doors thing just doesn't appeal to me. You mileage may vary, of course... ;-) Todd Caldwell Grand Prairie, Texas | ||
| Marc Bourget (209.142.38.81) Rating: N/A |
Great hobby, chasing Tornados, but I'd guess Todd hasn't passed thru Puberty yet, maybe we'd better link him to the picture of Two Dogs' girl! LOL!! [Disclaimer! Todd, Just funnin, couldn't pass up the opportunity, and besides, I don't have enough A _ _ in my britches to back up my stupid sense of humor!] Onward and Upward Marc Bourget | ||
| Todd Caldwell (Tmc) (24.0.93.170)
Rating: N/A |
Ahh Marc, Puberty was a disturbingly long time ago. I'm a 37 year old Rocket Scientist. ( That means I sit in a windowless room and program computers all day. But it sounds good. ) And I've seen the pics. Good luck to TD. Believe I'll stick with my wife. She's smart, funny, real pretty AND she'll go chase with me too. Still working on her with the "driving a bus will be FUN" concept... Back to your regularly scheduled insults and diversions. BTW, Great board folks. Keep it up. Todd | ||
| Marc Bourget (209.142.38.81) Rating: N/A |
Todd Don't try to coerce her into it, emphasize how it will increase her independence and give her ammunition to embarass Male Chauvinist Pigs (like myself) when we shoot off our mouths. Heck, If I can get my mom to do climbs, dives and turns in an airplane you should be able to motivate your wife! Darn things drive much like a car if you're mindful of the size and weight. Onward and Upward Marc | ||
| TWO DOGS (63.185.73.171) Rating: N/A |
don't EVER let a woman drive a bus | ||
| Marc Bourget (209.142.38.81) Rating: N/A |
I guess we'll never see Two Dogs in California again, what with affirmative action, etc. 1/2 the Transit Drivers are women! Shucks, I wanted to attend a personal appearance of that fine specimen! LOL!!!! [No "onward and upward" with this post! ROFL!!! ] Marc | ||
| Johnny (4.174.91.48) Rating: N/A |
My wife refuses to drive the bus. Hmmm...I wonder if the non-synchronized Spicer & manual steering has something to do with that?  (Actually, no, it doesn't.) | ||
| Todd Caldwell (Tmc) (24.0.93.170)
Rating: N/A |
Marc, You've triggered what may eventually be a cunning plan. I bet Mom could figure out a bus pretty quick. ( She's had a commercial pilot's certificate for close to 30 years now, BTW ) Check her out on the bus, then let Mom teach the wife. How's THAT for scary, TD ? :-) Of course, I guess I better worry about finding and acquiring a bus first... Todd | ||
| Gary McFarland (Gearheadgary) (209.128.79.46)
Rating: N/A |
My wife drives on the highway, not in the city. Not so much because she can't but more because my stress level can't take it. gary | ||
| TWO DOGS (63.185.73.171) Rating: N/A |
I hear lots of guys say they want automatic so the wife can drive...there will NEVER be a woman drive my bus...NEVER....I only know one (1) that I am comfortable rideing in a car with.... | ||
| Lee Bradley (140.178.68.172)
Rating: N/A |
Hurricanes and tornadoes; days and weeks of worrying! You need to move to the west coast. Volcanoes and earthquakes; little or no warning, either you survived or you didn’t. No worry. | ||
| TWO DOGS (65.177.144.174) Rating: N/A |
that's the way it is everywhere Lee.... had a funeral home call me years ago...: "THIS IS BLACKBURN BROTHERS FUNERAL HOME" so.....I waited.... he did not say anything..... so....I asked...: "DID I NOT MAKE IT THRU THE NIGHT ??" | ||
| RJ Long (Rjlong) (67.181.236.27)
Rating: N/A |
Gus - Got a GREAT chuckle out of your "Hurricane Preparadness" post, really helped lighten the mood! Thanks for sharing it! Todd - who drives and who handles the camcorder when you're chasing tornados? TD - as a follow-up to what Marc posted, here in CA the majority of school bus drivers are women, and close to half of the transit bus operators are, also. Besides doing a good job of handling the coach, where they REALLY excel is in dealing with the passengers, young and old alike. And in an industry where the average transit operator sees between 300-500 passengers per day, "people skills" are far more important than driving skills. Driving skills can be taught, people skills are something some folk never aquire, and more males fall into this category than women. It's partly due to how our brains are wired. Me thinks Buswarrior will agree w/ me on this one, eh, Canadian one?? And another thought: Over the last couple of years at the various school bus and transit bus "roadeo" competitions here locally, an average of 7 out of the top ten places were won by women. Lee - Give me a giant CA foot massage anyday, eh? Oh, and TD, is that what you'd call a "dead-end" joke about the phone solicitor??? Time for dinner. . . RJ PD4106-2784 Fresno CA | ||
| TWO DOGS (65.179.200.89) Rating: N/A |
don't know what you call it...it happened.. I'd say you are probably correct on the handeling of the passengers..wow,I sure wouldn't want a job like that,bad enough hauling cattle.. | ||
| Buswarrior (Buswarrior) (64.229.211.4)
Rating: N/A |
Ah rats, where's my post? happy coaching! buswarrior | ||
| Buswarrior (Buswarrior) (64.229.211.4)
Rating: N/A |
Ah rats, it's gone! woman do not offer themselves up for stuff they can't do. I'll train women any day over a man, and I've been doing it for 11 and a half years, Ask the special forces types, women are not to messed with, when they set their mind to something. And she's not driving the bus, at least not until you're dead, because you won't leave her alone to drive, make her feel inadequate, like most other things, and, really who's the smarter one? She knits, sightsees, sleeps, while we pound down the highway thinking we're God's gift to the interstate.... I, and RJ, are available to driver train all your wives, girlfriends and concubines. And they'll like being with us. RJ, was that what you were looking for? happy coaching! buswarrior | ||
| Gary McFarland (Gearheadgary) (68.250.2.76)
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"I'll train women any day over a man" Yeah, me too. Gary | ||
| RJ Long (Rjlong) (67.181.236.27)
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10-4, Buswarrior, your experience matches mine when it comes to driver training, which was the point I was making. Hmmmm. . . I like the idea of training concubines!! RJ | ||
| Buswarrior (Buswarrior) (64.229.211.4)
Rating: N/A |
RJ, we're both sailing awful close to the wind... You planning on Florida again this New Year's? happy coaching! buswarrior | ||
| TWO DOGS (63.185.67.205) Rating: N/A |
naaa ...ya' got the wrong idea,I don't put her down,just she ain't drivin' my bus... years ago...they didn't drive my 'vette either,guess I just don't "share" very well.. and I still say I would not want a job driveing a school bus,and, probably not a comercial cross country bus,....yeah...I like it the way it is....I brake for bluebonnets... |