| Author | Message | ||
| jimmci9 #2 Rating: N/A |
ok bear with me here... i've got the flu and am waiting on some good meds to kick in.... in the last couple of days, there have been several posts about busses not starting, running out of fuel, tune-up, oil leaks, etc.... .... all the advice given has been good guesses... we can't see your bus over the internet.... BUY THE SERVICE MANUAL!!!!.... its the best thing to have!!!!...its the best $100 you'll ever spend!!!! i can't stress this enough!!!... i get lots of enjoyment reading all the guesses at to what we think is wrong with your bus..... its a 40 yr old machine... fatigued.... discarded by a profitable carrier as un-needed equipment... till we bought it....BUY THE SERVICE MANUAL!!!!... but in the meantime, keep those amusing posts comin... i need material... | ||
| John that newguy Rating: N/A |
Jim- The "FLU" (pronounced phleaghue) can be caused by many things and it's difficult to diagnose using only a simple typewritten description of symptoms. The word "flu" by the way, is an acronym for the medical term: Flatulence Loss Unbalance and usually occurs when a patient either does not generate sufficient body gasses to propel and eject waste matter, or produces too much gas and not enough waste. Under the latter circumstance, the gas can be of such an abundance, it may propel the patient's body, or objects in way of the gas's exit. There is documentation regarding this phenomenon, where a patient's body had actually been propelled skyward from one to three foot during the initial release of the gas. Usually making noise upon release, flatulence may also be released in what is known as "the stealth mode". In the "stealth mode", the flatulence released is of a less powerful gust, but may contain more noxious, and occasionally near toxic, fumes. It is extremely difficult to discern what patient has the "FLU" when the patient's body is releasing the flatulence in "stealth mode". It is strongly suggested that the patient is isolated during those periods, since the affected patient usually has a strong tendency to accuse others of being the source of the noxious release. (to be continued) | ||
| Don/TX
Rating: N/A |
Gosh John, I did not know that. Proves that you need the book when trying to troubleshoot anything. | ||
| BrianMCI Rating: N/A |
I take exception to your characterization of our diagnostic prowess! ...Try leaches, and maybe a little bloodletting, for that flu. You'll be out of bed in no time! Brian | ||
| Vin Prew (Billybonz)
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Since this is about silly posts.... Mechanics Dictionary (slightly modified for Bus Nuts) AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to an impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago and rounds them off. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from an 8D battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it all over the girlie poster over the bench grinder. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling roll bar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the socket drawer (What wife would think to look in there?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round-out Phillips screw heads. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under a bus at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and air lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to invent some new profanity. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. BEAM-TYPE TORQUE WRENCH: A long tool used for precisely tightening nuts and bolts. Chief characteristic of using = The handle will ALWAYS contact firewall just BEFORE the required torque value is reached. CLICK-TYPE TORQUE WRENCH: A long tool used for precisely tightening nuts and bolts. May also be used as a very accurate and expensive BREAKER BAR. BREAKER BAR: A long tool for loosening and tightening nuts and bolts. May substitute for TORQUE WRENCH. When used to tighten nuts and bolts, the rule of thumb is "Tighten Until It Strips - Then Back It Off 1/4 Turn". FLASHLIGHT: A GREAT holder for dead batteries. 20 TON HYDRAULIC BOTTLE JACK: A device used for raising a vehicle off of the ground. --When RAISING - The stopping point will ALWAYS be 1/2 inch below the top of the Jack Stand. --When LOWERING - The stopping point of the Jack will ALWAYS be inch above the height needed to remove the Jack. METRIC SOCKETS: Used on most foreign cars and some American cars. They are used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. PHONE: A tool used for for calling Luke. | ||
| Captain Ron (Captain_ron)
Rating: N/A |
On the flatulence subject. What ever you do, DO NOT hold it in. it will work it's way through your stomache liner, into your spine, up your spine and eventualy into your brain causing sh#ty thoughts. so LET-ER-RIP | ||
| ChuckMC9 (Chucks)
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Halsteel nail warning This photo is from the back of a box of Halsteel nails. [Read the Supplemental Warning, which begins, "Do not shoot nails through any part of your body."]   From thisisbroken.com. | ||
| Henry R. Bergman, Jr. (Henryofcj)
Rating: N/A |
O come one...EVERYONE knows the best cure for the flu is lots of alcohol frequently taken by mouth. This is why all the commercial "over the counter" flu medications contain alcohol. They know best. Soosss....maybe we can all catch the flu sossss we can all take the cure. He he he.  | ||
| Mike (Busone)
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Oops I don't have the flu but I took the cure. I wonder if the cure would be cheaper in Canada? | ||
| Macgyver (91flyer)
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Alright, you want silly? Here goes... One day, a teacher made the mistake of having each student stand up, introduce themselves and then tell everyone what they thought they wanted out of life. Several students stood up, in turn, and introduced themselves. Some wanted to be firemen, some wanted to be policemen. Yet others still wanted to be indians, the president of the U.S., professional gamblers like their fathers or just bums living on the beach because the sunsets were beautiful.... When she got to one little girl in particular, she was totally shocked at what she had to say.... The little girl stood up and said: "Hi. My name is Jill. And all I'll ever want is four little animals." The teacher was a little perplexed at this answer and asked "Really? What four animals would you like to have?" Jill proudly exclaimed: "A Mink on my back, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for it all!" With that, the teacher promptly fainted. -Mac | ||
| Jim (Jim_in_california)
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What did the snail say when it was on the back of a turtle? Wait for it... coming soon... "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!" | ||
| jimmci9 #@ Rating: N/A |
ive had too much cure............................................... | ||
| Kenny Cole
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Dear All; I've been cured of the cure. But we're still enjoying the series of posts. Lord Bless Ya's Kenny Cole | ||
| Captain Ron (Captain_ron)
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A mans reading the paper when the door bell rang he opens the door to find nobody there. just as he's ready to close the door he looks down to see a snail on the porch at his feat. he kicks the snail out into the yard. A year later his door bell rang he opens the door to find nobody, he looks down and sees the snail and the snail asks, "what was that for"? | ||
| t gojenola
Rating: N/A |
Just as bad: The teacher decided one day to have her 4th graders get up and, each in turn, explain what their father did for a living. Things were going well until it came Johnie's turn, as he was reluctant to speak. After some prodding from the teacher, he said: "my daddy's dead." Feeling awful about it the teacher decided she would make the best of it to save some face for poor Johnie. So, she asked, "well, Johnie, we are all very sorry to hear that, but perhaps you could tell us what your father did before he died." said Johhny: "He shit his pants and puked on the carpet." tg | ||
| Captain Ron (Captain_ron)
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Good thing I don't drink coffee | ||
| J hn That N wguy Rating: N/A |
Y ah, T ll m ab ut it. | ||
| Jack Conrad (Jackconrad)
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True story. We had an exchange student from the orient live with us for 1 year. His first day of scholl in the US, teacher ask him "What was the first thing you learned to say in english?" So Coung answered truthfully without hesitation. His reply was "*uck you". The other students loved it, the teacher never asked that question again. | ||
| t gojenola
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Ethnic joke, anyone? Howard Cosell was interviewing athletes at the summer olympics. He asked a man: "Say, aren't you a pole vaulter"? The man replied: "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name"? tg | ||
| ChuckMC9 (Chucks)
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"Polish Sausage" A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no!" "And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't!" With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot." | ||
| Don/TX
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Borderline stuff for sure. But while we are on political correctness, I recently found out that the calling of arabs names like "towel head" is highly offensive. As explained to me, the head dress is NOT a towel, but a sheet. Therefore in the future we must refer to them as little sheet heads. | ||
| Jim (Jim_in_california)
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Anybody here seen the movie "Team America"? Gawd, the scene were we first see that "disguise" is just...ahhhhhhhahahahaha! Almost as good as seeing Moore blown up... |