efore beginning any trip, even if it is only to the corner market, there are a specific number of things every bus driver should do. With this in mind, a check list is herewith presented.

First, check all liquid levels in your bus. These liquid levels, of course, vary with the type of liquid. The level of engine oil should show on your dip stick, dip stick! Or, a little better. Check your e-water* (not to be confused with e-mail), and your p-water** (not to be confused with waste water). Try not to have any waste water . . . why haul it around?

Check your fuel. Do not, (I repeat) do not rely on your fuel gauge in the cockpit. I know of no bus whose fuel gauge ever works. If you don’t have one, make a dip stick, dip stick! Always start with enough fuel to get to a fuel stop. If you have ever run dry of fuel and had to get some and re-prime the motor, you will get the message.

Checking for the level of transmission oil is a mystery. It depends on whether it is cold or hot, whether the motor is running or not. If in doubt, have a professional check it. Most of the time, if your bus will move, you have enough. If it has a little trouble climbing a grade, you may not have enough. And, if it won’t move, try putting it in gear.

The liquid level in the differential is a badly neglected subject. When you adjust your brakes, check this level. If you have a wheel seal leak (and we sometimes do) you often lose differential oil unconsciously. Then again, many of us drive our rigs unconsciously.

Continuing with your liquid level check list, all beers on board should contain a minimum of 12 ounces. Anyone found with less than 12 ounces should be quickly emptied. Obviously the liquid levels of Scotch and Gin may vary according to the tastes and the sobriety of the driver and his company.

Now that you have full tanks and empty tanks, six cases of beer and lots of ice, you may then proceed to your local AM/PM mini mart for a Big Gulp and a Twinky. Assuming you had no mechanical problems on this trip you should return to your home base, park the rig and spend the night in your own bed before proceeding on a longer trip, all the while mulling over the problems you encountered on your way to your local 7-11 QuickMart. If you ended up with a melted Ding Dong on the co-pilot’s seat, appropriate measures should be taken in the future. Consider it a learning experience. Be careful of too many learning experiences, however, the last one might kill you.

*e-water - Engine coolant

**p-water - Potable fresh water